Age

Age

Date: Tue, 19 May 1998 13:11:09 -0500

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

My grandmother's 90; she's dating a man 93. They never argue: they can't hear each other.

At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to take a laxative.

As I grow older and older, And totter toward the tomb, I find that I care less and less, who goes to bed with whom.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

Time wounds all heels.

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don't know till the 4th of July.

You're getting old when you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

I'm getting just like my great-grandchildren -- wearing diapers and using a walker.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.