21 Ways to Survive Even the Dullest of Sermons
21 Ways to Survive Even the Dullest of Sermons
Date: Tue, 27 Jan 1998 12:05:20 -0500
- Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests
- See if a yawn really is contagious
- Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not,
raise your hand and tell the priest
- Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs
- Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B'
and so on through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' unless your
preacher is preaching against homosexuality.
- Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews
ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for
every marble that made it to the front
- Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials,
design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
- Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to
the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
- Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.
- Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on
your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favourite hymn.
- If the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.
- Pretend to be 4 years old
- Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone
- By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn
your shirt inside out.
- Try to raise one eyebrow
- Crack your knuckles
- Think about your chin for an entire minute
- Twiddle your thumbs
- Twiddle your neighbours thumbs
- Wiggle your ears so that the people behind you will notice
- Practice smiling insincerely
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