Love and Marriage

Love and Marriage

Date: Wed, 3 Feb 1999 11:38:35 -0500

-- LOVE AND MARRIAGE --

HE SAID: Q: Why are brides dressed in white? A: So they match the rest of the appliances.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring wedding ring suffering

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.

A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!"

This guy goes to a party without his wife. He hears this other guy say to his wife "Pass the sugar, Honey." and "Pass the honey, Sugar." He thinks this sort of speech is a good idea. So, in the morning when he and his wife are eating breakfast, he says to his wife, "Pass the bacon, Pig."

SHE SAID:

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

You can fool some of the people all of the time. They're called "men".

THEY SAID:

The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 10 grand.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Love is blind .. Marriage is an institution for the blind.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.