Broken Arm
Broken Arm
Date: Mon, 22 Mar 1999 12:47:12 -0500
Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor of
the slopes as written in this account by a New Orleans paper:
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind
of story that warms the cockels of anybody's heart. Conditions were
perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over,
the "tell me when we're having fun" kind of day."
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in
dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure
there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder
room for female skiiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the
pain did not go away.
If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that
a temperature of 12 below zero degrees doesn't help matters. So, with
time running out, the woman weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that
since she was wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in
the woods. No one would even notice, he assured her. The white
will provide more than adequate camouflage. So she headed for the tree
line, began disrobing and proceeded to do her thing.
If you've ever parked on the side of a slope, then you know there is a
right way and a wrong way to set your skies so you don't move. Yup, you
got it. She had them positioned the wrong way.
Steep slopes are not forgiving, even during embarrassing moments.
Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward,
out-of-control, racing through the trees, somehow missing all of them, and into
another slope. Her derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her
pants down around her knees and she was picking up speed all the while.
She continued on backwards, totally out-of-control, creating an
unusual vista for the other skiiers.
The Woman skied, if you define that verb loosely, back under the lift,
and finally collided violently with a pylon. The bad news was that
she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her ski pants. At long last
her husband arrived, put an end to her nudie show, then went to the
base
of the mountain and summoned ski patrol, who transported her to a
hospital.
In the emergency room she was regrouping when a man with an obviously
broken leg was put in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your
leg?" she said, making small talk.
"It was the darnest thing you ever saw," he said. "I was riding up this
ski lift, and suddenly I couldn't believe my eyes. There was this
crazy woman skiing backward out of control down the mountain with her
bare bottom hanging out of her clothes and her pants down around her
knees."
"I leaned over to get a better look and I guess I didn't realize how far
I'd moved. I fell out of the lift."
"So how'd you break your arm?"
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