The second lady chimed in, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, “Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem – knock on wood.” She rapped her knuckles on the table, then said, “That must be the door, I’ll get it.”

Date: Tue, 12 Oct 1999 09:42:16 -0500

She replies, ‘No thank you, I’d like to get some sleep.’

He says back to her, ‘O.K. I’ll give you $50 (thinking she’s a dumb blonde, he’ll never have to pay), and you only have to pay $5.’ She finally gives in and he asks the first question.

He asks her, ‘What is the distance from the Sun to the Earth?’ She reaches over into her purse, pulls out $5, and hands it to him.

‘Now it’s my turn,’ she says. ‘What is black and white, goes up a hill with three legs and comes back down with four?’

He pulls out his laptop, gets on the Web and no one knows the answer. He gets out his cell phone and calls friends and family, no one knows the answer. He goes back online and emails all his connections, and still, no one knows the answer. After an hour, he finally looks over and taps the blonde on the shoulder to wake her up, and says, ‘You got me. I tried everyone I possibly could and no one knows the answer. Here you go, you deserve the $50.’

She accepts it and says thank you, turns over and goes back to her nap. He looks at her and says, ‘Well, what’s the answer?!’ She reaches into her purse and hands him a $5 bill, turns over and goes back to sleep.

Date: Mon, 4 Oct 1999 16:16:51 -0500

“Welcome to the ladies room,” she said. “Be sure to check out our newest feature a mirror which will award you one wish if you look into it and make a truthful statement. But, be warned, if you say something false you’ll be sucked into the mirror and you’ll live in a void of nothingness for all eternity!” The three women were intrigued so they gave it a shot.

The brunette looked into the mirror and said, “I think I’m the most beautiful of us three girls.” Instantly, the brunette was surrounded by a pile of money.

The redhead stepped up and said, “I think I’m the most talented of us three girls.” Suddenly, the red head found the keys to a brand new Lexus in her hands.

Excited about the possibility of having her wish come true, the blonde looked into the mirror and said, “I think…” and was promptly sucked into the mirror.

Date: Mon, 13 Sep 1999 11:56:40 -0500

I hope that I haven’t misunderstood your instructions because, to be honest, none of this Y to K problem made much sense to me. At any rate, I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company calendars for next year.

The calendars have returned from the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months:

Januark Februark Julk

I also changed all the days of each week to:

Sundak Mondak Tuesdak Wednesdak Thursdak Fridak Saturdak

We are now Y to K compliant.

Date: Mon, 16 Aug 1999 10:20:11 -0500

Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, “You stay out of this. Mister, I’m talking to that little guy on your knee!”

Date: Mon, 2 Aug 1999 10:11:37 -0500

Her friend asks “What is it a puzzle of?”

The blonde says “From the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

The friend figures he’s pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: “First, no matter what I do, I’m not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger. Second, I’d advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!”

Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 13:00:32 -0500

The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, “What’s the big deal, don’t you like getting flowers?”

The brunette says, “Oh sure…..but he always has expectations after getting me flowers, and I just don’t feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air.”

The blonde says, “Don’t you have a vase?”

Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 14:08:04 -0500

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker. About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers. When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, “I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.”

Date: Mon, 12 Jul 1999 14:07:48 -0500

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The blond opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The blond opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage I never would have given it to him again!”

The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the blond’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me” she said. “He makes his own lunch.”

Date: Mon, 7 Jun 1999 09:50:56 -0500

The next day at 8:45 there’s a knock at the Personnel Manager’s door. The “Tickle Me Elmo” line manager comes in and starts ranting about the woman just hired. After screaming for 15 minutes about how badly backed up the assembly line is the Personnel Manager suggested he show him the problem.

Together they head down to the line and sure enough Elmos are backed up from here to kingdom come. Right at the end of the line is the woman just hired, she has pulled over a roll of the material used for the Elmos and has a big bag of marbles. They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric and takes 2 marbles and starts sewing them between Elmo’s legs.

The personnel manager starts to kill himself laughing and finally after 20 minutes of rolling around he pulls himself together and walks over to the new employee and says: “I’m sorry I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give Elmo two test tickles.”

Date: Tue, 1 Jun 1999 11:19:42 -0500